This is semi-food related, really.

Everyone I know loves goldfish crackers. And really, how could one not?
Anyway, I was both bemused and mildly amused when they gave all the different kinds (species) names and personalities. There's the "nerd," and the "jock" and the "girl," the latter of which i'm not so sure is a personality as it is...an entire gender. Additionally, I really don't like it when my food is anthropomorphized.


I have long been delighted by the existence of the movie "Optimistic Pizza." (Favorite movie of Finn, who seems to be the ringleader of his little gang. The cheddar one of course, which is the only kind of goldfish I eat.) Because I have no idea what this movie could possibly be about. Are we optimistic about the pizza? Is the pizza itself (argh, more anthropomophization) optimistic? Optimistic about being eaten? Optimistic about owning its own chain of pizzerias? In effect, selling off its brethren to be eaten? This is sick.

However, the real reason for this post is on the back of the bag, instead of a maze or something, are picture puzzle thingies. Now, obviously, the picture below is the face of a dog...AND two goldfish crackers. Amazing. This'll really help the kids on their SATs. But. The bottom of the package has the official mandated answers. So yes, a dog, yes, two goldfish crackers. And...two turtles kissing. Turtles kissing? This is NOT WHAT I WANT TO SEE WHEN I AM EATING CRACKERS. Secondly, this is not two turtles kissing. This is two turtles trying to devour each other. Seriously, they are trying to eat each other's faces off. Terrifying. So I don't know what the moral of this post was. I still enjoy eating goldfish, but maybe I will have to transfer them into a separate bag first so I don't have to look at the packaging and have it haunt my dreams.

Update: For more information, please see others who are also either horrified or baffled. Or, actually, just baffled.